Sitting on the sand, still
warm from the sun's gentle kiss
I watch the sun go down and disappear
A big fiery blotch on
a perfect day
Once like my soul all happy and shining
Now gone withered away, from a love
A love I thought loved me
Sinking further down the
horizon, getting smaller
Like my hopes, my ambitions and my dreams
Masking itself behind the clouds
Much like my smile masks my disappoint and heartache
The continuous roar of
the sea drowns my cries
As I anticipate a new cry that may lie within me
Even now thinking of its could be innocence
The roars cannot overcome the overwhelming scream of my heart
My blood,
red as the setting sun before me
Churns in my veins, crying out for release
Wanting to spill all over the sand
Begging me to let it free
A sound bursts into my mind begging me
"Let me die! End it PLEASE! Give me PEACE!!"
But it seems not even death wants me anymore
Almost as
if God wants to punish me even further
For experiencing
something I knew I was not ready for
I thought
I loved him and think...Do I still?
Inside I feel
something move...
Incredulous,
I looked down to see what was there
Pressing my hand against my middle I feel it again
Something is alive kicking me from within
My mind racing,
begins to rebel
Rebelling from what I wanted not moments ago
Death! I can no longer think of myself and the emotions within
Cause within the emotions, within me is a life
A precious life that has not experienced the joys or sorrows life can bring
How could
I ever extinguish the hearth inside me?
To be forever without its...
Warmth
Light
Love
Smile
And innocent laughter
The burning
gets warmer as a smile breaks on my face
Like the stars above me
Shining a new hope upon my once shattered spirit
Singing out in a parade of love and natural motherliness
The ice I
let set deep into my heart
Blocked my true colors from emitting for so long
Is now melting
away, the bitterness, the hate, the regrets
And I feel whole again, more than whole
I feel complete
Almost like a puzzle with its last piece placed inside
My world once
seen in black and white
Is now bursting with every color of the rainbow
My eyes like a new-born, seeing everything for the first time
In all it glorious light and splendor
So close to the way I feel
To finally have someone to love me unconditionally
I could see
the stars begin to twinkle
As the sun's lasting brightness fades into the promise of a new day
Somewhere beyond the seas timeless reach
Deep inside of me new hope was being born
My blood still
raging, my heart pounding in my chest
Not because I wanted to die but because I wanted to live
To live on a high that I could bring something so inestimable into this world
With that I felt a strong endurance yearn inside of me
Rising up
from the sand in defiance
From the feelings I had felt
I say to myself "How could I have been so selfish?"
"How could I have wanted to leave my loved ones?"
No matter how bad things got...
There is always something worth fighting for
And I have found that, LIVING inside of me.
Feeling that
light within I have everlasting hope
And realize just how fragile that hope will be
This new life so undeveloped compared to mine own
A tiny flame a spark fueled by the bosom I provide
My life now
having new meaning and goals
I would have to pace myself in fear the fire may go out
I must nurture, love and watch out for it
Until it was stronger than that of myself
Must keep
it from harms way shield it from worries
For this light I bare is more precious than any jewel
And it is something I created, more valuable than a work of art
Priceless of its own worth and it was mine
To love
To hold
To cherish for all eternity
Hugging my
knees I listen to the rhythm of the sea
Almost matching that of the movement I feel inside of me
I begin to cry both of joy and of heart ache
Asking myself this one question. How will I manage on my own?
Then as quickly as the thought came it vanished
I cannot think
of that, I must think of what is growing with me.
Steadily the
waves creep up the beach closer and closer to me
Mingling with my tears and washing away my hurt
Burying my toes into the wet sand and my hands in the soft dry
Trickling through my fingers, I thought of names
There are so many, like the grains in my hand
Lying back seeing the birds fly overhead
I contemplate, thinking I have always liked the name...Adam
"HOPE IS A
WAKING DREAM"
--Aristotle
"WALK
ON WITH HOPE IN YOUR HEART, AND
YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE"
